UHWA TUESDAY NIGHT POWER!
(Scene opens with a limousine riding up to the Palace of Auburn Hills. From out of the limo comes High Society, dressed in their usual suits and equipped with their nunchuck-cattle prods. Chris Pike also has the AOWF Undisputed Title around his waist. High Society arrives in style, talking amongst themselves, as they head to their locker room. The scene then comes back to ringside where pyros shoot off from everywhere while "Fixxxer" by Metallica plays in the background. We then join Christopher Curtis and Brent Vans at ringside for the action.)
Curtis: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to another great edition of TUESDAY NIGHT POWER! We are live from the Palace of Auburn Hills Michigan. I am your host Christopher Curtis...
Vans: And I'm the man you wish you could be, Brent Vans.
Curtis: And Brent as we saw at the top of the show, High Society is here and they have a big night.
Vans: Oh yeah that's right. High Society is exactly that, High Society. They are ready and willing to fight tonight. In what should be a great match, the NEW AOWF Undisputed Champion, Chris Pike, will be facing off against "Gentleman" Jim Gillette.
Curtis: I have to think that after two straight losses, Jim Gillette would be reeling but he refuses to quit.
Vans: And what more, he's brought in his brothers! Lord Thomas Gillette and Duke Edward Gillette make their debuts tonight against the team of Scotty Williams and "Vicious" Dave Armstrong.
Curtis: In what should be another great match as well, Psychoduck makes his UHWA debut as he gets a chance to earn a shot at the KOGM title at COT 1. He faces off with Sin.
Vans: Sin is another man trying to get on the winning track here in the UHWA. I feel sorry for him drawing Psychoduck to get that way going.
Curtis: And finally tonight's big main event will be to crown the new UHWA North American Champion, as Dusty meets Moke Doshky.
Vans: I like Moke's chance here in this match. Dusty was lucky to beat Scotty Williams, wasn't lucky against Chris Pike, and won't be lucky tonight.
Curtis: And I'd also like to point out that tonight is the first night for our Spanish Announce Team! Give it up for Herman Hernandez and Antonio Guadardo!
Vans: Well with that being said it is time for our first match.
THE HARDCORE REVOLUTION VS. THOMAS & EDWARD GILLETTE
Lopez: The following is a tag team contest, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...
("Southside" by Moby plays as Scotty Williams and "Vicious" Dave Armstrong come out to a chorus of boos from the crowd. Richie the Geek stands behind them, jumping up and down.)
Lopez: To be accompanied to the ring by Richie the Geek...at a total combined weight of 459 pounds...SCOTTY WILLIAMS..."VICIOUS" DAVE ARMSTRONG...THE HARDCORE REVOLUTION!!!
("Southside" continues to blare as VDA and Scotty climb into the ring and salute the crowd. "Southside" finally dies down.)
Lopez: And their opponents...
("Over the Mountain" by Ozzy Osbourne plays and the crowd gives a mixed reaction as the three Gillette brothers come out.)
Lopez: To be accompanied to the ring by "Gentleman" Jim Gillette...from Stratford-upon-Avon, England. At a total combined weight of 565 pounds..."DUKE" EDWARD GILLETTE AND "LORD" THOMAS GILLETTE!
(The Gillette brothers climb into the ring as Jim takes a seat at ringside to watch. The Brothers remove their entrance attire as "Over the Mountain" fades out. The bell rings and we are under way. VDA starts out with Thomas. VDA grabs Thomas and knees him in the gut, before pushing him back to the corner. Armstrong then unloads with a series of right hands to the face, before finally breaking the train of thought. VDA then tries to whip Thomas into the other corner, but Thomas reverses. Thomas gets VDA into the corner and follows in with a charging clothesline.)
Curtis: Nice reversal by Lord Thomas.
Vans: Did you expect anything less from a Gillette.
Curtis: Possibly, if they are like his brother.
Vans: errr...HEY THAT'S MY LINE!
(Thomas pulls VDA out of the corner and delivers a scoop slam. Thomas moves to Armstrong's neck and delivers a massive standing leg drop. Thomas drags Armstrong to his corner and tags in Edward, who climbs to the middle rope. Edward balls up his fist, and jumps off, dropping the fist right across the bridge of Armstrong's nose. Edward then goes for a cover.
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Kickout!)
Curtis: Close one there.
Vans: The Gillette's want to make short work of the Hardcore Revolution in this match.
(Edward delivers European Uppercuts to the neck of Armstrong. He then signals to the crowd and whips Armstrong into the ropes, nailing him with a tilt-a-whirl slam on the way back.)
Vans: This one will be over fast!
Curtis: That is the setup move to The Union Jack!
(Edward signals for the hold, and lifts up Armstrong. But Armstrong fights out of the hold and reverses it into the Armstrong Cutter!)
Vans: WHAT A COUNTER!
Curtis: VDA needs to make a tag here.
(Edward slowly crawls over to his corner to make it to Thomas, and Scotty reaches out for Armstrong. Thomas gets the tag first, but is unable to stop VDA from tagging in Scotty. Scotty comes in with fists of fury, striking at Thomas with right hand after right hand. Scotty whips Thomas into the ropes and delivers a high knee that drops Thomas. Scotty then picks up Thomas and delivers a beautiful standing dropkick to the head. Scotty bounces off the ropes and delivers a kneedrop across Thomas' throat. Scotty then picks up Thomas and drills him with The Spike DDT. He goes for the cover...
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Edward makes the save!
Edward makes a diving save, but before he can do anything, VDA cuts him off with right hands, and then takes him down with a spinning heel kick. Suddenly Richie the Geek throws a laptop into the ring, and climbs onto the apron to distract the ref. Scotty punches Thomas a couple times then holds him for Dave, who grabs the laptop. Dave takes a swing at Thomas Gillette, but Thomas ducks and VDA nails Scotty instead. VDA then turns around and is nailed by a Gentleman's Kick from Jim! Jim runs out of the ring as Thomas falls to his knees and covers Scotty.
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3!!!)
DING DING DING!
Lopez: Here are your winners...THOMAS AND EDWARD GILLETTE!
(Thomas and Edward get to their feet and celebrate, heading towards the back. Scotty and Dave slowly get to their feet, and then stare at one another. Scotty pushes Dave as they meet nose to nose, wanting an explination for what happened, as Richie frantically tries to control them.)
Vans: Whoa, a few problems there!
(Richie finally is able to get them to go to the back, and the next ref sweeps out the remnants of the laptop.)
Curtis: Well fans coming up next we will have Sin vs. Psychoduck in what should be a tremendous match. This is Super Hardcore Rules...which means that the match cannot be stopped for anything but a three count.
Vans: Call it a UHWA original.
Curtis: Let's go to Hadiran Lopez for the...
('Theme to the Dating Game' hits. The crowd lets out a roar.)
Vans: What the?!?
Curtis: I guess he needs to brag some more.
(Super Cutie emerges from behind the curtain, jumping up and down and thrusting a peace sign at the fans. The fans let out a cheer.)
Vans: Looks like he's gonna milk this for all it's worth.
(Pike leaps out from behind the curtain, landing on the ramp dramatically. Pyro sets off on either side of them as he lands.)
* FOOMP! *
(The fans now boo as Pike hoists the undisputed title high over his head. He looks different some how..)
Curtis: He's covered in gold. Somebody painted his whole body gold.. even his pants!
(Pike, covered in gold, lets out a smirk. Cutie hands him a POWERade.. He looks at it.. Then looks away and hands it back to her. They make their way down the ramp.)
Vans: He didn't plug POWERade?!? What about his endorsement deal?
Curtis: Maybe he has something better in mind..
(Pike poses some more in the ring, and finally takes the mic.)
Pike: THE GOLDEN BOY OF THE AOWF HAS ARRIVED!
(The crowd boos.)
Pike: Thank you!
(They boo louder.)
Pike: One year ago, almost to the day, I joined the AOWF. I started off in AXE. Then I moved on to UW. That is where I paid my dues. Machine and I dominated the tag scene, but in my singles career, I couldn't quite break out. I got beat by Willy Moran.
(Cheers)
I got beat by Merrix.
(More Cheers)
I got SCREWED by Frost! And I mean TOTALLY SCREWED!! Non-sexually!
(Boos)
Pike: And then of course, Jeff Drake showed his true colors by SCREWING ME WORST OF ALL!
(Loud reaction for Drake)
Pike: So I earned this! I paid my dues, and now I AM THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION! I have brought the gold to the UHWA. Boys in the back, take note. Watch what I do. And maybe, MAYBE, some day you too can be as great as I am. Or at least a reasonable facsimile.
"PIKE SUCKS!" "PIKE SUCKS!" "PIKE SUCKS!"
"PIKE SUCKS!" "PIKE SUCKS!" "PIKE SUCKS!"
Pike: Please, people, impressionable children are watching this. Now, there's a few friends I need to thank. Mom! This is all for you! You're the best! My close personal friend, Psychoduck. You're spectacular. And Cutie... You're the second best valet I've ever had.
Curtis: Second? He's only had two!
Pike: And the people at POWERade... How do I put this.. They helped me reach the top. But now, here I am, looking down on everyone else. And I look at the money I'm making shilling this.. bland, cramp-inducing swill. And I realise.. They're holding me down!
Vans: What?!
Curtis: Pike is.. Dumping POWERade?!
Pike: The product was fine to endorse when I was working my way up. I could overlook the awkward marketing and poor choice in flavors. But now I'm THE GOLDEN BOY! THE KING OF THE AOWF! A champ deserves a more delicious beverage. So I am walking! My relationship with POWERade is THROUGH!
(Pike tosses the POWERade deep into the crowd. Unfortunately it whacks a little kid in the head, and he starts crying. The fans boo. Pike doesn't seem to notice.)
Pike: I HAVE CUT AWAY ALL THE FAT! NOW I AM KING OF THE HILL! I AM THE GREATEST WRESTLER IN AOWF HISTORY! I AM YOUR GGGOODDDDDD!!!
(The crowd tosses garbage into the ring and boos loudly. Pike smiles and waves, and makes his exit.)
Curtis: Think it went to his head a little?
Vans: A little. I'm sure it won't be long before he gets another sponsor.
Curtis: Too true.
PSYCHODUCK VS. SIN
Curtis: I think it will be interesting to see this match. After all, it is Psychoduck's first match in nearly 7 weeks.
Vans: Yeah he may be a little rusty at first. But it's all natural to him. It's like Duck said, Sin can't hold a candle to him.
Curtis: Well to Hadrian Lopez for the opening introductions.
Lopez: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is schduled for one fall...with the winner receiving a shot at the KOGM Title at Clash of the Titans...introducing first...
(The lights dim as a white spotlight hits center stage and
Sin steps out into it. Some organ music hits as he raises his arms up
into the air and swiftly bings them back down which is the cue for
the lights to come back on with an explosion of flame pyro
as "Poison" by Alice Cooper hits. He then methodically strolls to the
ring. )
Lopez: From Your Worst Nightmare, weighing in at 274 pounds...SIN!!!
(Sin climbs in the ring and raises his hands in a show of superiority. "Poison" fades out.)
Lopez: And his opponent...
("Born With nothing, Die With Everything" by Papa Roach quietly plays through out the arena. As the music slowly get louder, small explosions go off on the stage as a sheet of ivy drops down, covering the entrance way. The music hits full volume, and one more huge explosion goes off. Silence. Suddenly, through the ivy.. a sword rips through. The ivy splits in two and falls to the sides, the Music bursts back into action again and out steps Psychoduck, wearing his dragon knight style costume. He reaches back behind the entrance way and helps Jennelle out, still dresed in a single piece of ivory, that barely covers her... They pose and then make their way down to the ringside. Keeping a close eye on their surroundings.)
Lopez: Being accompanied to the ring by Jennelle...from The Pond...weighing in at 247 pounds...PSYCHODUCK!!!!
(As they reach the ring, Jennelle walks around it, and Psychoduck slips underneath the bottom rope runs up a turnbuckle and poses. He hops back down, removes the sharp pieces of armour and gives them, and the sword to Jennelle. She holds on to them for the match. Duck waits in his corner for his match to start.)
Curtis: Fancy entrance...
Vans: Look at Duck, he has a pair of nunchucks in his tights, that might come in handy somewhere down the line.
(The bell rings and Sin and Psychoduck circle each other, before locking back up in the ring. Sin overpowers Psychoduck and pushes him into the corner, before he begins to lay in reverse knife edge chops to the him. Sin then tries to whip Psychoduck into the corner, but Duck counters with a knee lift into the gut of Sin. Psychoduck then double underhhoks and executes a double underhhok suplex over.)
Vans: Nice counter by Psychoduck.
Curtis: Yes but his timing was a bit off. The release was a bit off, and as a result Sin collided heads with Duck, hence Duck's slow to get up.
(Sin actually gets to his feet first and executes a T-Bone Suplex to Psychoduck as Duck gets to his feet. Sin then rushes to the outside and grabs a pair of steel chairs. Sin then sets up the steel chairs next to each other and grabs Psychoduck. Sin whips Duck into the ropes and then executes a spinebuster through the steel chairs.)
Vans: OUCH! That's gonna leave a mark.
Curtis: Sin's not going for the cover though, that could be costly.
(Sin heads to the outside and reaches under the ring for...a candle? Sin then head back in the ring over to Psychoduck, who is rolling around in pain. Sin produces a book of matches from somewhere, and sets the candle down next to Duck. Sin flips over Duck and locks him in a double armbar submission hold, and then lights the candle, holding it next to Psychoduck.)
Curtis: Looks like Sin CAN hold a candle next to Psychoduck.
Vans: Hardy har har...
(Psychoduck suddenly blows out the candle. Sin growls and release the submission hold, relights the candle, and reapplys the submission hold. Psychoduck then again smiles, and blows out the candle. Sin gets really mad and chucks the candle out of the ring. He picks up Psychoduck and whips him into the ropes. Sin ducks down for another spinebuster, but Psychoduck stops, and hooks up Sin. Psychoduck then executes a powerbomb on Sin, with Sin's back and neck landing onto the remnants of the steel chairs in the ring.)
Vans: So much for Sin's little stunt there. Now Psychoduck has this match in control.
Curtis: We said going in it would take something special for Sin to beat Psychoduck, and maybe he still has something. But after that move...
(Psychoduck then sits up Sin, and grabs the nunchucks from his tights. Duck starts to unleash a barrage of attacks with his nunchucks, he whips the chucks onto Sins arm, spins them around his back, under one arm, straight back onto sins other arm. Helicopter spins them, as he drops to his knees, and spins 360degree before smacking them into Sins left leg, takes the chucks back around his back, smacks Sins right leg crosses over and hits sins left leg. Duck gets to his knees, spins around once more and hits Sins right shoulder, crosses over 4 times, with the nunchucks then in his right hand he pulls back, before unleashing a powerful final blow, straight to Sins forehead, busting him open. )
Curtis: And just like that, Sin has been busted open.
Vans: Psychoduck is proving to everyone that he is truly hardcore tonight.
(Duck does not go for the cover, instead he picks up Sin and sets him up on the top turnbuckle. Duck then climbs the turnbuckle, Stands up, in front of Sin and wraps his nunchucks around Sins neck, he grabs the two handles in one hand, and points out towards the fans, then down to Jennelle before winking at her. He then bounces on the turnbuckle, hope off it, onto the top rope, springboards off of that towards the centre of the ring, as he does do he drags Sin off of the turnbuckle, Duck yanks the the nunchucks as he starts to fall and forcefully slams Sin down on the mat, delivering the whiplash neckbreaker. It is after this move that Psychoduck goes for the pinfall...
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SHOULDER UP!)
Vans: Wow...how did Sin kick out of that one?
Curtis: I don't know but Psychoduck looks a bit surprised at that little move.
(Psychoduck glares at the ref for a moment before dropping the nunchucks. Psychoduck then throws Sin to the outside of the ring. Psychoduck sets up Sin on the ringsteps, facing him. Psychoduck puts his head under Sin's near shoulder so Sin's arm is across Psychoduck's shoulders. Psychoduck pull's Sin's other arm through Sins own legs and grabs it with the arm which is away from Sin's body. Psychoduck reaches across Sin's chest and hooks Sin's head with his other arm. Psychoduck then lifts Sin up and falls backwards, dropping Sin headfirst onto the steps.)
Curtis: OH MY GOD!
Vans: Oh no...Duck isn't done, he's heading for the Spanish Announce Table.
(Psychoduck grabs Sin and sets him up on the Spanish Announce Table. Duck then climbs back into the ring and climbs to the top rope and Herman Hernandez and Antonio Guardado scurry out of the way. Psychoduck screams from the top rope and nails Sin with a Fowl Fly through the announce table!)
Vans: Holy Shit! And that was their first day on the job too!
Curtis: I hope someone told them that the company health insurance plan doesn't cover splinters.
Vans: Splinters are the least of Sin's problems, he's out cold.
Curtis: That move took a lot out of Psychoduck too.
(Though the move injured Duck, Psychoduck is the first to his feet, and he grabs the bloody Sin and rolls him into the ring. Duck then goes for the cover...
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Thrrr...FOOT ON THE ROPE!)
Curtis: How in the hell did Sin kick out of that manuever?
Vans: I don't know but Psychoduck is looking at the ref in complete disbelief!
(Psychoduck gets up and is about to hit the ref, when Sin manages a rollup from behind...
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Kickout!
Psychoduck kicks out in a frenzy, and then begins to lay in right hands into the open wound of Sin, causing more blood to flow. Sin stands there, flinching only a little from the right hands. Sin suddenly screams and begins to lay in right hands of his own. Sin backs Psychoduck into the corner with right hands, and then rubs his own right hand with his blood, spits into the palm of it, and nails Duck right in the face. Sin then looks for the nunchucks of Psychoduck, and holds them into the air. He summons all his strength and snaps the nunchucks in two.)
Curtis: Wow...there goes Psychoduck's weapon of choice.
Vans: He can still win...he can still win.
(Sin slashes his throat, signaling for the Blood Sky. He goes over and grabs Psychoduck, lifting him into the air. Psychoduck however connects with a few right hands, and then hooks up Sin's neck, and drills him hard with a DDT. Psychoduck looks at his prized nunchucks with a look of fury in his eyes, and he goes over to Jennelle. Jennelle reaches into her purse and pulls out a pair of cattle prods, tied together like nunchucks. Duck turns on one of the prods and then goes over to Sin who is getting to his feet. Duck hooks Sin's hands behind his back, Duck wraps the nunchucks around Sin's neck, tying them together. He then finishes the setup and nails the Migration on Sin, with the electrified nunchucks!)
Curtis: OH MY GOD!!!!!
Vans: Sin may be dead after that move!
(Psychoduck removes the cattle prods and goes for the cover on Sin...
1
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3!!!)
DING DING DING!
Lopez: Here is your winner... PSYCHODUCK!!!
Curtis: This is sick!
Vans: Well, Sin is still breathing so that is a good sign. But other than that, I can't say much for him.
(Psychoduck raises his hand in victory as Jennelle gets in the ring. Duck reaches into Jennelle's purse and pulls out a razor. He stands over Sin, and looks down, as he uses the razor to cut himself open, moving it around to get the blood flowing really well. He then takes his index and middle fingers and rubs them in the blood, using his blood to write "PD" on the chest of Sin. Psychoduck then spits on Sin and heads to the back with Jennelle.)
Curtis: Ladies and gentlemen, what we have seen here is a bloodbath.
Vans: Yeah, and I can tell you this much, if this is any case of what Psychoduck is capable of, just wait for Duck and Bowers at Clash of the Titans.
(Scene goes to backstage, where Jason Robards is in his office talking with Laura Worthington.)
Robards: I want to thank you for becoming my personal assisstant Laura.
Worthington: Well, your welcome. Oh by the way, there's just one phone message for you, something from a guy named Kiku-Masamune.
Robards: Masamune? Who the hell is that?
Worthington: Probably just an advertiser.
Robards: Yeah...well that is Keldman's department, not mine.
(Suddenly, The Virus Matthew Engel comes rushing into the office.)
Virus: HEY! What's this I hear about Duncan Aries leaving?
Robards: Listen Virus, you're new here so I'll tell you rule number one once. NEVER barge in on me. Now as far as your question is concerned, I already found a replacement tag team partner for you next week.
Virus: Oh yeah, it can't be as good as Duncan.
Robards: Ryan McCade...
(The Virus suddenly gets a sly smile on his face, as he nods his head.)
Virus: Okay...thank you. I'll see you next week then.
(The Virus leaves, leaving Robards there in a befuddled state.)
GENTLEMAN JIM GILLETTE VS. CHRIS PIKE
Lopez: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...
("Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics plays over the PA system as a blue strobelight begins to flash. The Gentleman comes out to a chorus of boos, and snobbishly throws up his nose at people as he walks to the ring, flanked by Edward and Thomas Gillette.)
Lopez: To be accomapnied to the ring by Thomas and Edward Gillette...from Stratford-upon-Avon England, weighing in at 212 pounds...GENTLEMAN...JIM GILLETTE!
(He gets in the ring and readjusts his gloves while doing some last minute stretching. "Sweet Dreams" fades out.)
Lopez: And his opponent...
(The Dating Game Theme hits.)
Lopez: From Herhsey Pennsylvania, weighing in at 250 pounds...HE IS THE AOWF UNDISPUTED CHAMPION...CHRIS PIKE!!!!
(The music continues to play, but Chris Pike does not come out.)
Vans: What the?
Curtis: Ummm...I know he is here tonight but...is Gillette going to win by forefit?
(Suddenly, "Ain't that a kick in the head" by Dean Martin hits as Chris Pike, Super Cutie and all of High Society emerges from the back. Pike is holding a martini glass and not wearing his protective gear, but is still covered in gold. Pike pauses on the ramp, looking over the crowd intensely. He holds out his hand, and Cutie places the martini in his grasp. Pike throws his head back and enjoys a long drink. He then looks at the camera and goes "AAAHHHH". He pauses again, savoring the taste, and then marches down the ramp. )
Lopez: Being accompanied to the ring by High Society...from Hershey Pennsylvania...weighing in at 250 pounds...The AOWF Undisputed Champion...CHRIS PIKE!!!
(Cutie holds up the second rope and presses down on the first rope with her foot, and Pike climbs through. They stand in the center of the ring, and Pike drinks some more sake while staring wide eyed at the crowd at the crowd and barking orders to Cutie, who nods her head excitedly. The lights dim. Pike kneels down, holding the Undisputed title in one hand and a clenched fist in the other. Cutie stands behind him, giving a peace sign and jumping up and down excitedly. Gold Pyro shoots off from each of the ring posts. The display lasts for maybe 15 seconds, then the lights go up and Pike awaits the start of the match.)
Vans: That my friends is style.
Curtis: Well he ditched the protective gear this time around, now it's just the gold paint.
Vans: I think we have a gentleman's agreement here not to use hardcore weaponry.
(The bell rings and Pike stands in the middle of the ring. Gillette offers his hand, and Pike slaps it as a sign of respect. The two then circle each other and hook up in the middle of the ring. Gillette gets Pike into a hammer lock, and Pike tries to fight out of it. Pike elbows Gillette in the face, causing the hold to be broken. Pike then hooks Gillette in a side headlock. Gillette turns into the pressure and whips Pike into the ropes. Pike nails Gillette with a shoulder tackle, taking him down. Pike runs into the ropes, but Pike ducks under him. Pike runs back, and Gillette leap frogs. Pike tries a clothesline but Gillette catches him and turns it into an armwringer. Pike grimaces in pain as Gillette turns the arm again, wrenching on the shoulder. Pike then does a somersault, flips up, and executes an armdrag, taking Gillette down. Pike then holds onto the arm and locks in a quarter nelson.)
Curtis: Nice chain wrestling by both men.
Vans: Ah man, no blood.
(Gillette manages to get his feet to the rope and Pike release the hold. Pike picks up Gillette and whips him into the ropes. Pike catches Gillette with a knife edge chop as he returns, and the crowd "WHOOS" in response. Pike then nails another chop, citing the same reaction from the crowd. Pike tries to chop again, but is blocked and met with a chop from Gillette. Pike with another chop, and a block and a followup chop from Gillette. Gillette tries one more chop, but Pike counters with a thumb to the eye. Pike then drops Gillette with a dropkick.)
Vans: Amazing display!
Curtis: I don't think a thumb to the eye merits a gentleman's agreement.
(Pike grabs Gillette and signals for the end already. Pike grabs Gillette in an Argentine Backbreaker, spins around and drills him with the Spinning Pikey Buster 02! Pike goes for the cover...
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KICKOUT!)
Vans: WHAT! Gillette just kicked out of Pike's finisher!
Curtis: Pike went for it way to early there.
(Pike stares stunned at the ref, and argues with him that it was three. Pike then turns around, only to be met by a flying forearm from Gillette. Pike gets to his feet, and is nailed all of a sudden with The Gentlemen's Kick! Gillette goes for the quick cover...
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KICKOUT!)
Curtis: Both men trying to get early dukes here.
Vans: With there signature moves executed, what's left to pull out of the bag!
(Gillette stares in amazement at Pike, and then grabs him by what hair he has. Gillette backs Pike into the corner and whips him to the other corner, but Pike reverses. Pike then nails a few right hands to the face of Gillette, before setting him up in the tree of woe. Pike backs away, and then nails a running dropkick to the groin of Gillette.)
Curtis: Ummm...
Vans: Viva La Kumquat anyone?
Curtis: Don't you mean Viva La POWERade?
Vans: He dropped them...Viva La insert name of next sponser here?
Curtis: Works for me.
(Pike goes for the cover...
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SHOULDER UP!
Pike again stares at the ref with an amazed look on his face. Pike goes over to the corner, and suddenly Super Cutie hands him a Saki. Pike begins to savor the taste and everything.)
Curtis: Maybe he's found a new sponsor?
Vans: Wouldn't surprise me.
(Pike takes another sip, as Gillette gets up and charges after him, Pike turns around and spits the saki right into Gillette's face. Pike then signals for the end and climbs to the top rope.)
Vans: Awfully big risk for the normally groundbased Chris Pike!
(Pike dives off and tries a Giant Splash from the top rope, but Gillette moves out of the way, Pike lands hard on the mat, and Gillette slowly gets to his feet. Gillette picks up Pike and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a back elbow. As Pike gets up, Gillette rushes to the top rope, and waits for Pike to get up all the way. With Pike's back, facing him, Gillette jumps off the top rope and nails Pike with a top rope bulldog. Gillette goes for the cover...
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THRRR...NO!!)
Curtis: Jim Gillette almost pulled off a huge upset there.
Vans: That was almost too close.
(Gillette looks amazed at Pike, and then picks him up again. Pike counters and nails Gillette with a bott to the gut. Pike sets up Gillette and nails him with...the move formerly known as the POWERade Energy Slam. Pike then goes for the cover...
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OH SO CLOSE!
Pike looks stunned at the ref, and goes to the corner. Suddenly Heyleigh goes over to the ring apron and distracts the ref, while Pike undoes the turnbuckle pad. Pike gets done, turns around...and spots Heyleigh. Pike gapes open with his mouth at the beauty of her...and suddenly is stricken by...THE BONER! While this happens, Gillette gets up and pushes Pike, so that his head nails the exposed turnbuckle. Gillette waits for Pike to turn around, and then blasts him with the Gentleman's Kick! Gillette goes for the cover...
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3
...
...
NO FOOT WAS ON THE ROPE!)
Curtis: My god how close was that!
Vans: Great ring positioning by Chris Pike there.
(Gillette climbs to the top rope, signaling for an elbow drop. Pike suddenly springs to his feet and grabs Gillette, and hooks him off the top. Pike spins around three times and drills him with another Spinning Pikey Buster 02! He goes for the cover...
1
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3!!!)
DING DING DING!
Lopez: Here is your winner...CHRIS PIKE!
(Just as soon as the ref's hand comes down for three, TED runs over and restrains Thomas. As soon as the match is over...Pike runs out of the ring and does the same to Edward. Duck slides into the ring with a chair.Duck waits for Jim to get to his feet, and then Duck kicks Gillette in between the legs, all the male fans let out a sympathetic moan. Duck then sets the chair up in the middle of the ring, grabs Jim from behind, and delivers a migration right onto the chair, causing it to buckle and collapse from the force. As Jim lies motionless, looking like hed just been in a car wreck, Duck adjusts his shirt, the belt on his trousers and leaves the ring TED and Pike follow. The two remaining Gillette brother, look ready to fight.. but decide the odds arent in their favour, and instead slide into the ring to attend to their fallen brother as Pike, Duck and TED light up some cigars and merrily walk away.)
Curtis: My god what an end!
Vans: HAHA! Ain't that a kick in the...GROIN! GET IT! I CRACK MYSELF UP!
Curtis: Uggg...
DUSTY VS. MOKE DOSHKY
Lopez: Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall...and it is for the UHWA NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first...
(
"Forever" by Kid Rock plays over the PA and cheers come up from the crowd. From behind the curtain, outcomes the handsome Dusty and his girlfriend Natalie. Dusty has on a black cowboy hat plus his wrestling attire. He leads Natalie to the ring and holds the rope for her. )
Lopez: To be accompanied to the ring by Natalie...From San Antonio Texas...weighing in at 252 pounds...DUSTY!
(They both get in the ring and salute the crowd, much to the crowd's delight, before Dusty holds the ropes for Natalie to go to the outside and stand in his corner. "Forever" fades out.)
Curtis: Dusty looks to be really focused here tonight...
Vans: Yeah but Moke has got it in the bag.
Lopez: And his opponent...
("Get Yourself Connected" by Stereo MCs comes on the PA. Moke Doshky comes out to a loud chorus of boos. He ignores the fans and walks to the ring.)
Lopez: To be accompanied to the ring by the Fantastic Andy Strickland...from Bonn Germany...weighing in at 275 pounds...THE WORLD'S STRONGEST MAN...MOKE DOSHKEY!
(Moke climbs in the ring, as Andy holds the potted plant close in toe. The bell rings and we are under way. Dusty hooks up with Moke Doshkey and tries to overpower him, but Moke counters with a massive clubbing blow to the back. Moke then whips Dusty into the corner and follows him in with a charging shoulder. Moke grabs Dusty and delivers a scoop slam, followed by a trifecta of elbow drops. After the third drop, Moke goes for the cover...
1
2
Kickout!)
Curtis: Moke trying to go for the early win.
Vans: I think he has a stein waiting for him at home after he wins the title.
(Moke grabs Dusty and whips him into the ropes, and catches him with a big powerslam on the way back. Moke again goes for the cover...
1
2
Kickout.
Moke looks a little mad, and then grabs Dusty. Dusty counters with punches to the gut, and actually manages to scoop up Moke and slam him.)
Curtis: That surprised Doshky!
Vans: Lucky kid...
(Dusty picks up Moke and nails him with forearm shots to the side of the head. Dusty whips Moke into the ropes and nails him with a boot to the face. Dusty then executes a perfect standing leg drop across the throat of Moke. Dusty climbs to the middle rope, and then nails Moke with The Round Up as soon as Moke is to his feet. Dusty goes for the cover...
1
2
KICKOUT!
Dusty looks stunned at the ref, and then goes to pick up Moke. Moke counters by whipping Dusty into the ropes, at that time Andy Strickland nails Dusty in the back with the potted plant. Dusty holds his back in major pain, as Moke goes in and locks in the Mokey Squash. Dusty screams in pain, but refuses to give up. Moke squeezes harder, and Dusty tries to fight out of it. Finally Dusty goes limp, and much to Natalie's chagrin, the ref lifts Dusty's arm and it falls limp once. Falls limp twice. And then lifts it a third time...
It falls limp...Dusty is out.)
DING DING DING!
Lopez: HERE IS YOUR WINNER AND THE NEW...UHWA NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION...MOKE DOSHKEY!!!
Curtis: Dusty did not tap, he passed out because of that damned potted plant!
Vans: Guess he's allergic. Neverhtless Moke is the new North American Champion.
(Moke grabs the title belt and holds it high in the air, an emotionless expression on his face, as Andy Strickland jumps up and down and Natalie comforts the fallen Dusty.
Backstage... Jason Robards is seen, and Laura Worthington is taking a phone call.)
Worthington: Mr. Robards it's that
Masamune character again.
Robards: What does he want?
Worthington: I don't know...something about "purchasing" and Saki.
Robards: Tell him I quit drinking.
Worthington: "Sorry we aren't intrested" *click* Idiot.
(Robards laughs, and it is on that note that the scene closes, with the UHWA logo flashing across the black screen.)
***********************************************************
NEXT WEEK
TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
THE WINNERS OF THE FOLLOWING MATCHES WILL COMPETE
The Virus & Ryan McCade vs. Thomas & Edward Gillette
TED & Chris Pike vs. Dusty & Black Jack Bowers
Scotty Williams & VDA vs. Sacrifice and Sin
